Entry 29: *"TripleMTSD" (Misinterpreted, Misunderstood and Misjudged...)

Jan. 15. 2013

I get so tired of this; when I behave in a self-assured way, someone has to cut down and shame the self-esteem that I’m trying to build, by misinterpreting me as “conceited.” Many aspies/divergents are misinterpreted in this way.

It really is a lot due to with ignorance because self-assured aspies tend have rudimentary, even child-like emotional expressions (especially when over expressive.) It’s often misinterpreted as seeming conceited and/or arrogant when that is not the intention. It's a double whammy because I enjoy dressing up and looking good sometimes; then I can be seen as "acting like that" and automatically hated, shot down, or snubbed.

Well guess what: it hurts...because I am not conceited. I can be a bit vain, even self conscious about things, but guess what, so can many girls. That's different. I'm a good person who cares a lot about humanity and purpose. I'm a loyal friend and advocate, and I've helped peopel through some dark hours. I don't judge...I've seen it all and I don't mind.

My energy is very strong and passionate...so I guess that's taken as a threat and makes someone feel like I'm "in his or her space.”

I can feel it when others feel that, which is why I've become avoidant and skittish. Or, shall I say; "TripleMTSD" (Misinterpreted, Misunderstood and Misjudged Traumatic Stress Disorder)

I'm trying to heal but like I said in my video, due to the ignorance about what Aspergers' is and can look like, especially in women: this is an ongoing battle. Yes the diagnosis helped me quite a bit, but ignorance and judgement are still ever present, unfortunately. Many of us find that, and it's good to be prepared for it.

Sometimes I don't feel like explaining myself. Sadly, I often have to. Sometimes it works out well, and other times it makes it worse. Then, I get more frustrated when I can see that I'm not getting anywhere with someone who can't wrap their head around what I'm trying to explain.

It's more powerful if we can work together, putting things in writing, evidence, video, and media. Learning from each other. So that one-day we won't have to explain ourselves like this, in order to overturn a misjudgment.

It takes more than just one 5-minute conversation for people to grasp the concepts, and some people never will grasp it. The more united our message the greater the chance.

I really am so tired of the societal ignorance that causes aspies to be abused via being misunderstood, if they try to let out and be their true selves, especially. There is nothing more hurtful than someone misunderstanding your very character and intentions, as something they are not. So we often develop PTSD and social anxieties, hide away, burn out, avoid in excess, and don't trust people anymore.

Man, even some of the people that are supposed to know about autism, like some of the people I've dealt with for my son; they don't get it. If they don't get the adults… you have to question how helpful they are to your child.

I think this is because ultimately, autism is better understood from the heart, rather than from intellectualization. Yes that's important, but you have to understand from the heart to really grasp it. Then, even we ourselves can find peace. I'll admit. I'm not there, but gradually getting closer.

You know there really are deep wounds to work through when you're even anxious and worried about people in general...even (though to a much lesser extent) other aspies...“TripleMTSD” I guess!

Sometimes we struggle to even understand ourselves, or other aspies who may have differing difficulties and strengths to our own. Everyone's vastly different.

The best thing for aspies to do is be armed with as much education, on the newest info, as possible; even by learning between us, with love and tolerance for the individual differences between us albeit similarities. This way, we can keep on educating the public about "what it's not."

Scarlit-Rose Ashcraft

aka "Rosie"

www.scarlitrose.org