May.
11. 2012
Something
just occurred to me when watching this YouTube video of this
absolutely beautiful and talented girl (a singer) who, much more
importantly, seemed like a genuinely kind person.
She
killed herself at 16. Is it that she couldn't take the cruel torture
of being bullied any longer? I get the strong feeling and impression,
that something like this happened. It's so sad. It makes me feel
sick, and I can relate to it. I've been hated just for being me,
sometimes no matter what I tried to do to prove how nice I was.
Somehow, that only made it worse in some respects. Reverse
discrimination/beauty bias bullying is just as repulsive as any other
form of bullying. What's worse though, is that it doesn't get called
out. It seems more taboo, and tends to be denied. I know why, but I
don't think it's fair.
We
are all aware of the bullying that goes on in someone who is not
physically attractive, whose physical features stand out in some way
that makes him or her a target. They may have a more visible
disability. We all know it's terrible, to abuse and judge somebody
based on his or her looks without looking at what's inside. It's
awful, should not happen, and all my respect to that issue. I myself
do not judge people based on looks and never have.
However,
what about the reverse? What about when a person is naturally
attractive, and paired with it, also kind, talented, smart or even
(and more unacceptably) weird and/or quirky? For some reason, this
targets bullying.
So,
if I'm attractive, and enjoy expressing and dressing up, must I also
be and act like a shallow b*** Barbie in order to be respected?
This
seems perverse, but I've somehow felt that this is apparently what
society insidiously, even subconsciously, expects. It's back to their
ridiculous act of profiling people. Why should I alter my
personality, and be less of a good person, because of a precedent
image that's trying to push me into a box? Especially one that is not
healthy and good, though somehow and absurdly, totally accepted if
not desired.
Society
seems to have this obsession with either idealizing or
devaluing people like this. Both are not healthy. When I think
about it, the majority of (but not all) physically attractive people
I've known either: a) think they are All
That and treat people
like crap, or b) are completely unaware of/in disbelief of their
natural beauty and/or attributes, they may even possessing downright
insecurity, dislike for themselves, and/or identity confusion. They
may have emotional baggage, due to having some really insecure people
in their lives abuse, ignore or cut them down out of jealousy. I
lived it too.
It's
like because if one who is physically attractive can't be mean and
commanding, and let everyone constantly put them on a pedestal, do
they somehow have to walk around in apology for how they look? Sorry,
but that's just how it feels. Nobody calls this out, so I will. Come
criticism or not. Why can't we face this beauty bias thing for what
it is? Why should somebody have to choose between being a mean
girl versus
being devalued?
Sure,
I like compliments too, like most other people, but what if I have
this fundamental sense of I don't' want my surface appearance,
especially by itself and in the absence of my character, the things I
do, and the actions I take, to dictate special treatment. (This
special treatment is either great, or
bad.)
So,
what if, I ended up doormatting and obscuring myself, in order to
avoid what didn't seem just to people as a whole. I think I did, but
nobody should have to do that. I like to express myself and dress up
as many other females do. I like make up sometimes (though not all
the time) and I like things that sparkle.
In
order to assert my identity I'm very individualistic about it all. I
couldn't care less about what's trendy, or what name brand made it. I
do it for the art, the creativity. I have no desire to look like a
Barbie, to be assimilated in any way.
What
I love about the Aspie community is, we seem to see things more
objectively, and this includes human character. People can like
my pictures, and compliment, but I know I'm not going to feel this
pressure to then be this thing that they see. They often know I'm
just self-expressing, and that can complement that essence instead of
always ruminating on the looks aspect. I know that there's a
separation and discernment. I feel like I can be the whole person
that I am amongst my community.
I
just think society should do the same thing for visibly attractive
people as they do for any person, shift focus to the insides, the
objective whole character, not ogle
over looks.
It’s
not that all girls don’t like a compliment, but it is a lot of
pressure when somebody is constantly going on and on about a
friend/family members' outer looks. It could either, go to her or his
head and ruin their personality, or, if she or he is a particularly
deep and empathic person especially, they may get tired of it and
wonder “Umm, is this all I
am to everyone?”
It
really sucks to have to ask yourself such a question over and over,
as it's damaging to the inner identity. Maybe all she or he really
wants is for people to care about and appreciate them, and give them
some acknowledgement for which they are inside.
So
why should this be a taboo subject? Everybody has feelings, and looks
have nothing to do with that.
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