Thursday, September 25, 2014

Entry 47: We Can’t Let Psychiatry Tell Us Who We Are

Disclaimer A

Sept. 14. 2013

Despite these medicals' Patch-Adams-movie-style, horribly closed minded arrogance, I feel we must come together and stand in our truth. If we feel we are autistic, and we relate with each other in this, then we are: period. These subjective, narrow-minded psychiatrists with God complexes, are nothing but average-minded followers when they refuse to listen to our truthful experiences with compassionate objectivity.

Just because these closed-minded individuals refuse to give many of us our rightful diagnoses, and see our truth, doesn't mean we need to let them tell us who we are.

It doesn't mean we're going to stop incessantly telling them who we know we are... until they either accept us, or step down. Vive autistic people!
We simply must not let psychiatry tell us who we are. We cannot let them pathologize our natural-born differences, into all kinds of "personality disorder, flawed-only-partially-human, less than capable of caring"...and all of this other garbage.

We have brain differences, divergences, that we come by honestly. They are only differences causing things to manifest and appear as what they are not. How about the term “personality divergent” instead, if the personality isn’t malignantly hurting anyone?

We aren't perfect, and neither is anybody. But when we are less than perfect, why should either autism, or even worse than that pathology in lieu of denied autism, be attributed to such inaccurate things. I mean, how can we be expected to not react, when there is so little understanding for our way of wiring. Is this fair whatsoever?
Within our differences there are such unique and mammoth gifts, that have been, so far, grossly under recognized, under developed and under appreciated. We may have come to be afflicted, and possibly ill; but it's because of this practically dehumanizing treatment in the first place. It's because of the trauma we have often suffered, when we were made to feel bad for things we needed to be understood and accommodated for. We were made to feel less than human. Insult was added to injury in the way of a vicious cycle, for year and years.

How can they have the gall to stick to us, what has been done to us? Give me a break. Enough is enough. This is not okay. This is structural violence. This is societal abuse. There are many examples I, and others like me can think of...but it'd almost take a book.

Most of this unfair treatment is insidious. So, it manages to continue on and on, going under the radar… but not for much longer. We're tired of it. We don't want our children, our future Au babies/new generation kids, to be hurt as we have been.
If you know you're autistic in your heart, because you relate with traits and the general wiring (albeit having your own personality of course) and if you relate with fellow autistic people: then you are autistic. Despite their refusal to diagnose many of us accordingly, despite their insistence to continue to pervert your brain difference... reject it.

Let’s come together, diagnosed or not. Let’s come together and form Community. We will not turn one away without an official diagnosis. We know who each other are, it's easy to recognize amongst each other. The answer becomes a given.

So, let’s end the cycle of abuse; even if you can't get a diagnosis, or don't feel strong enough to throw yourself into battle. Especially if you are living in parts of the world where it'd be a fight, or near impossible. Don't hurt yourself. You've been hurt enough. I nearly died getting my diagnosis, honestly. I made myself so sick. Some of the story is personal, I’ve told what I feel able to tell.

Now that I have my diagnosis, I use it for the purpose I have; to try and make it easier for others, to speak out...that's why I got it. I also got it for me, to have closure. I needed the truth, after being accused of so many other things, called stupid, crazy, and treated as such. Having my character unfairly pathologized, when I know that I’m a good person, and that much of it wasn’t my fault.
I knew the plan was to put myself right out there on the forefront. I saw that since I have such a susceptibility to attack, it'd be particularly important for me…although some of it has backfired. I’ve been accused of faking my autism for reasons I think are to do with reverse discrimination and shallow closed-minded judgement. There’s nothing more infuriating to me, because I was diagnosed using childhood video footage. The assessment was very through.

Ultimately though, my diagnosis can’t be argued in lieu of how thorough the assessment was. I can be a shield while debating on the front line with various opposing, and at times quite powerful, forces. If people still don’t believe it, they are clearly in a closed minded stupor.

Yes, even with my diagnosis, I have still been attacked. I try my utmost to rise above and stand in my truth. It can be hard, but I am strong. I know who I am, in my heart.

If you're not planning to be the next forerunning warrior, the next AnMish, A Girl Outside The Box, Mind of Her Own, etc. then it might not be worth going after. If you're not planning to do something highly public, that you'll need heavy armor for, it may not be necessary to put yourself through the fight.

In retrospect, if you still plan to put yourself out there as a confidently self-diagnosed person (and I'm sure we'll start seeing more of this, the more Au community strengthens) then you are truly a trailblazer.

That'd be a true "Wow" and let's hope for more of that. As for me, it's too late to say I'd try. I was fortunate enough to be corroborated, after going to the extent of presenting a bunch of childhood video footage, in a relentless “proving my case” like endeavor. I may have been doing exactly the above, if not.
If you want the "official diagnosis" like fire in your soul, and are willing to travel possibly... and most importantly if you feel you have that fight in you: go for it. However, be warned of how hard it may be; and be psychologically secure enough to remember that if you are denied, it doesn't' change who you know you are.

I made the mistake of going for it too soon, before I had all my proper information together. The first couple times especially, I wasn’t prepared for the denial I’d be met with. I was naïve. Man, was it ever painful! So many of us have been hurt enough. I know what having vinegar thrown on my open wounds feels like, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

So if you feel that you are on the autism spectrum; then Welcome. Join us: join groups, join forums, join community. No official diagnosis is really required. We know what these people are like. We will understand. I want to send love, to everyone going through this. I see more and more of you everyday. Hence why I felt compelled to write this now.

Keep hope, keep strong, things will get better. I won't shut up until they do.

- Rose Whitson-Guedes

*Like what you read/wish to support? Diary of A Girl Outside The Box and others (Kindle) are available to purchase via the "books" link on my site!


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