Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Entry 6: An Unaddressed Form of Bullying (reverse discrimination?)

Disclaimer A

May. 11. 2012

Something just occurred to me when watching this YouTube video of this absolutely beautiful and talented girl (a singer) who, much more importantly, seemed like a genuinely kind person.

She killed herself at 16. Is it that she couldn't take the cruel torture of being bullied any longer? I get the strong feeling and impression, that something like this happened. It's so sad. It makes me feel sick, and I can relate to it. I've been hated just for being me, sometimes no matter what I tried to do to prove how nice I was. Somehow, that only made it worse in some respects.  Reverse discrimination/beauty bias bullying is just as repulsive as any other form of bullying. What's worse though, is that it doesn't get called out. It seems more taboo, and tends to be denied. I know why, but I don't think it's fair.

We are all aware of the bullying that goes on in someone who is not physically attractive, whose physical features stand out in some way that makes him or her a target. They may have a more visible disability. We all know it's terrible, to abuse and judge somebody based on his or her looks without looking at what's inside. It's awful, should not happen, and all my respect to that issue. I myself do not judge people based on looks and never have.

However, what about the reverse? What about when a person is naturally attractive, and paired with it, also kind, talented, smart or even (and more unacceptably) weird and/or quirky? For some reason, this targets bullying.

So, if I'm attractive, and enjoy expressing and dressing up, must I also be and act like a shallow b*** Barbie in order to be respected?

This seems perverse, but I've somehow felt that this is apparently what society insidiously, even subconsciously, expects. It's back to their ridiculous act of profiling people. Why should I alter my personality, and be less of a good person, because of a precedent image that's trying to push me into a box? Especially one that is not healthy and good, though somehow and absurdly, totally accepted if not desired.

Society seems to have this obsession with either idealizing or devaluing people like this. Both are not healthy. When I think about it, the majority of (but not all) physically attractive people I've known either: a) think they are All That and treat people like crap, or b) are completely unaware of/in disbelief of their natural beauty and/or attributes, they may even possessing downright insecurity, dislike for themselves, and/or identity confusion. They may have emotional baggage, due to having some really insecure people in their lives abuse, ignore or cut them down out of jealousy. I lived it too.

It's like because if one who is physically attractive can't be mean and commanding, and let everyone constantly put them on a pedestal, do they somehow have to walk around in apology for how they look? Sorry, but that's just how it feels. Nobody calls this out, so I will. Come criticism or not. Why can't we face this beauty bias thing for what it is? Why should somebody have to choose between being a mean girl versus being devalued?

Sure, I like compliments too, like most other people, but what if I have this fundamental sense of I don't' want my surface appearance, especially by itself and in the absence of my character, the things I do, and the actions I take, to dictate special treatment. (This special treatment is either great, or bad.)

So, what if, I ended up doormatting and obscuring myself, in order to avoid what didn't seem just to people as a whole. I think I did, but nobody should have to do that. I like to express myself and dress up as many other females do. I like make up sometimes (though not all the time) and I like things that sparkle.

In order to assert my identity I'm very individualistic about it all. I couldn't care less about what's trendy, or what name brand made it. I do it for the art, the creativity. I have no desire to look like a Barbie, to be assimilated in any way.

What I love about the Aspie community is, we seem to see things more objectively, and this includes human character.  People can like my pictures, and compliment, but I know I'm not going to feel this pressure to then be this thing that they see. They often know I'm just self-expressing, and that can complement that essence instead of always ruminating on the looks aspect. I know that there's a separation and discernment. I feel like I can be the whole person that I am amongst my community.

I just think society should do the same thing for visibly attractive people as they do for any person, shift focus to the insides, the objective whole character, not ogle over looks.

It’s not that all girls don’t like a compliment, but it is a lot of pressure when somebody is constantly going on and on about a friend/family members' outer looks. It could either, go to her or his head and ruin their personality, or, if she or he is a particularly deep and empathic person especially, they may get tired of it and wonder “Umm, is this all I am to everyone?”

It really sucks to have to ask yourself such a question over and over, as it's damaging to the inner identity. Maybe all she or he really wants is for people to care about and appreciate them, and give them some acknowledgement for which they are inside.

So why should this be a taboo subject? Everybody has feelings, and looks have nothing to do with that.

- Rose Whitson-Guedes

Diary of a Girl Outside The Box is also available as a fully edited/pro formatted PDF, for more info see 

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