March. 2. 2014
I am an artist, a writer, an activist, a friend. I'm considered a daredevil in todays' times, I guess, whence opening up, and speaking out boldly, about things not only I am dealing with as an autistic person, and as a person affected with complex health issues.
So, I don't know how much clearer I can make that, and yet still; cynical people of power often see what I’m doing, especially, in a perverted light. If not, it's even just a fearful light, where conventional people might have some sympathy but think "oh my goodness, what she's doing will make it worse!"
I have supporters, who say what I'm doing helps them; and this keeps me going. However, I've also had attackers...big time. Some have been particularly vicious and violent.
I was smart enough to stay hidden. I was smart enough to feel and know it wasn't safe to expose my troubles...or they'd get me. They'd get me because, ironically, they wouldn't get me. Somehow, I knew. At age two!
Even if it was induced by too much air irritating my eyeballs, I thought, perhaps...it could bring on a real cry and get this junk out of me!
Do they even know hyperlexia is a trait of high functioning autism, and autistic savant? Can they not understand an intelligent brain of different wiring trying to cope in a world inhospitable to them? Can they not commend, support, and have compassion, instead of judge and attack? One-day maybe, one day...
This gets us badly judged at times, but it isn't our fault. It's an attempt to connect with others that, if it fails, results in a proverbial "whack upside the head."
Today, I can’t repress anymore, so I need to be. When I don’t feel I can be, I prefer to hide, unless cornered. When I’m cornered and not prepared, it’s painful.
I was suppressed most of my life. I don’t want to be anymore, it’s like twisting an arm back, practically.
Well, on top of being seen as a "witch" to be persecuted, I actually am pagan... so I guess this doesn't help. It's an earthy spirituality, and I respect all religions and nature.
Ultimately, what I feel like saying to society is: This isn't a Salem guys! Really, this isn't Medieval Europe. This is 2014. In some ways, they haven't changed it seems.